Observing Communication

The communication I observed between an adult and child this week occurred at my mother’s home.  One of my sisters and I were visiting my mom when my nephew came over with his 3-year old son, Jayden.  We were all excited to see Jayden and were trying to get to him to give him a hug, but he was preoccupied trying to get his father’s cell phone.  His dad told him that he wasn’t going to give him the phone until he went and hugged his aunts and grandma.  Jayden defiantly said, “No!  I want to play a game.”  His dad was getting annoyed with him and said; “Alright now Jayden, I’m not your mom.”  He was insinuating that his mom lets him have his way.  Jayden came back with “and I’m not your mom.”  We all burst out into laughter at Jayden’s smart-mouth response.

My mother intervened and said “Come on Jayden, you can play games on grandma’s phone.”  She held out her cell phone and Jayden immediately left his dad and went to my mom and got her phone.  She was then able to hug and kiss him and she spoke to him in a light child-like voice.  All of his responses were one-word responses because he was preoccupied trying to get to the phone application where the games were.  Surprisingly to everyone, he found the games without any assistance from anyone.  My mom hugged him again and told him how smart he was for knowing how to get to the games because she didn’t know how to access them that quickly.  This made him smile and he gave her a big hug as she was praising him.  She then asked him if he would show her how to play the game.  He excitedly says yes and begins to play the game, telling her to watch him first.  Afterwards, he passes her the phone to take her turn.  She obviously wasn’t doing it right because he tells her “No, grandma.  You have to do it like this.” He gets the phone and demonstrates how to do it.  She tells him, “Oh, now I see…”  Jayden hands her the phone back and she did it like he showed her.   Jayden clapped his hands and hugged her neck saying, “Good job, grandma.  You got it!”  They continued to talk back and forth, playing the game.  She would cheer him on when it was his turn, and he would cheer her on when it was her turn.  My mom genuinely showed an interest in Jayden and the game he loved to play.  He stuck with her the entire evening, even after they stopped playing the game. His dad stated that he was surprised at how well behaved Jayden had been during the entire visit because he usually acts like a “spoiled brat” whenever he takes him anywhere.

I noticed and learned that if you are impatient with a child and don’t listen to them, they will act out in defiance.  This was demonstrated in how Jayden reacted to his dad after his dad became annoyed with him and didn’t pay attention to his requests.  But, I also learned that if you take a genuine interest in a child and listen to him, they will respond positively and act in a respectful manner.  This was demonstrated in how Jayden responded to his grandma as she was sensitive to him and respectfully communicated to him. 

This week’s media resources stressed that sensitivity, respect, acceptance, reflective listening, and providing the space for each child to be his/her unique self, are effective strategies for communicating with children. 

Observing my mom with her grandson, I don’t think anything else could have been done to make the communication more affirming and effective.  She did everything right.  It was as though she had read all of this week’s learning resources.  She was sensitive to her grandson, listening to his every word and following the instructions he was giving her in teaching her to play the game.  She was excellent at reflective listening as she repeated back to him the instructions he was giving her.  She was very respectful in her communications to him as she praised him for being very smart and knowing how to play the game really well.

The communication interactions I observed affected the child’s feelings in a very positive way.  I’m sure it gave him a huge sense of self-worth because as she praised him for being smart and clapped her hands for him, he gave her a huge smile and gave her a big hug each time.  It was obvious he was having a good time with her and he genuinely was proud of himself for being so good in playing the game.

Insights on how the adult-child communication I observed this week compares to the ways in which I communicate with the children are more like my nephew’s way of communicating.  Like him, I am usually not as patient as I should be when communicating with children.  I find myself completing their sentences and being more direct with them.  I have to admit that I do more talking than genuinely listening to what the children have to say.  The ways I could and will improve include being more sensitive and attentive to children while communicating with them.  In addition, I need to be more accepting and respectful in my communication style with young children.  Being honest with myself, my communication style has been more like the children don’t really know what they are talking about and need me to set them straight.  I should do more reflective listening and be more encouraging when communicating with young children.  I saw first-hand during my observations how effective this can be and how positively it can influence a child’s sense of self-worth.

 Reference

  

LauLaureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2011). Communication with your children [Video webcast]. Retrieved from https://class.waldenu.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_4066646_1%26url%3D